has it ever occured to any girls that when you looked darn unattractive at some point of time coz u jz dont pay attention to what you wear? like hey..it's just nearby and you slap on whatever you can find (as long as it's not on the floor) and walk in that..coz no one is gonna look at you anyway.
i do that all the time especially on weekends when i dont feel like mixing and matching clothes. I usually just wear slacks and some hand-me-down looking t shirts that have been washed for like a gazillion times...and off I go to the nearby kovan where I would do some grocery shopping or any other shopping in a heartland shopping centre.
and no one pays me a second look....and it doesnt bother me coz I don't wish to be recognised anymore. although dammit...why must my supervisor be there again with his wife. anyway, that's another redundant story since i'm unfortunate enough to live in the same housing area as him.
but today, because I haven't quite finished doing my laundry..I actually bothered to iron the skirt and blouse that I would usually wear when I go to work..which is like twice nicer looking than my usual get-up on a weekend. My shirts, which I normally wear on a weekend, haven't dry up yet coz of the rain yesterday so oh well...nice blouse, nice blouselah..
and like I said, no one ever pays any attention to me like..err...you know...give a second look or what like damn! who's that lady?! yet today..coz of my nicer than usual get-up...i actually got some guys' notice. And the first one HAD to be a teenager..some malay teenager who would usually have a girlfriend who wears the oh so tight fitting jeans that shows the shape of their booty. I tot I looked ordinary still...with me in my denim long skirt and purple blouse that has a nice round looking neckline that shows off my shoulders. Oh yeah...do you know that I am back to the waist size that I was back in sec 2?! Yeouch!!!....And I got back the shoulders which I used to admire when I was 16 (although it's still huge lah even back then..). I used to have extra weight around my shoulders which made me look very big all this time coz of the recent weight gain after I left school.
okaylah..I wanted to say that yeah..that blouse made me look nice..heh...too much self appraisal here..haha..so where was i? oh..okaylah, I didn't look any 'extra' jz very ordinary...but somehow even that got some people's attention. Okay..anyway, who cares about that teenager...he just got roving eyes on any girls with booty. But my concern is that err..malay mcdonalds manager which I have seen so many times lah. Yeah, he saw me through my 'ugly' days...he never looked at me. I mean..er..no lah not that I was trying to get his attention or what..although he's quite good looking lah. And pretty admirable also in the way he handle his staff and even some rude customers..who obviously had no appreciation towards the service provided by the mcdonalds staff. But no...in my own words, I have never admired him lah.
K whatever..so today, dunno what made me look appealing or what...but he took glances at me like first look and he saw me queueing up. I saw him but I looked away lah coz i was there to buy food not catch anyone's attention..although the chinese guy sitting down playing his laptop was worth taking a long hard good look at. haha..me and my admiration towards chinese guys....
Okay, so he continued to look again subsequently, even though I didn't look directly at him anymore but was like a bit the bored coz I had to queue behind several people already. Second time around, he took a longer look and maybe he thought that I didn't notice or what...but I did. Well...ahem I have several years of training of looking at someone without actually looking..I think all girls have that skills..bwahahaha!!....
Anyway, if you think that I was actually 'shy' about it or somewhat am appreciative about it...guess what..I.AM.NOT.
I know that sounds morbid....but really, I don't like it. It's not that I think that he's some sleaze bag or something but for me, if all this time, I have been very 'fat' looking or very 'ordinary looking'....and then suddenly, when I wear something nice or look nicer, and then suddenly I am much noticeable than before...I definitely think that I am worth much more than that. MUCH more than that.
Ok, I know I always look weird carrying big bags of groceries, often struggling with it...and I often get stares with it. And I always look very the 'ordinary'... not my age or what...I look more like a typical 'auntie' who just came back from the market..sometimes looking sweaty because you know how the weather can be sometimes. And you know yeah...I said that I didn't think much of the mcdonald's manager but he is good looking for a malay and I also admire his leadership capabilities much more than the rest of the managers who have been around also when during their shift. And I admit that I did threw him some 'looks' although I didn't look flirtatious or what but I guess it was enough for him to notice..even though I swear it was all done unconsciously lah.
But he never once noticed it or I tot that maybe..he did notice but I guessed he knew where he stood. Me a customer. He...a mcdonalds manager who serves the customer. It was like trying to maintain a professional relationship.
Then, okay...so i didnt think much about him looking long and hard at me from the distance like he noticed the changes in my looks and in my appearance since it has been a long time since I last saw him. But I tell ya..if he walks up to me and tries to talk to me or what..i wouldn't have snubbed him...but I wouldn't like it either.
I would prefer a guy who likes me for who I am...I dont want them to like me coz in their opinion, I am worth talking to than I was before. I would appreciate their compliments but I wouldn't appreciate anything more than that. Im damn serious about that.
I know I said that I don't want to dwell on the past. I would admire instead those guys who see past my physical flaws. Like *sniff*...tat one particular guy.....I guess my friend is right. Why did I make such a big deal about him better off with some other girls who are much better than me in terms of looks and who would just click like a fish to water..to any cute guys and he IS a cute guy with cares about his looks and who has a stable job. I have him on my mind right now, because so far, he is the onlie one who based his admiration on me..not on looks and hey guy...even if I don't see you no more....I will always remember you..
Well girl..chin up. I am still not interested in pursuing my love life. I am more interested in how much more weight I wanna lose so I could drop more dress size and more waist size..haha...not coz I want to look attractive towards guys. I just wanna wear nicer clothes and look nice in it.
So, yeah..those guys who have snubbed me before......two can play that game.
i do that all the time especially on weekends when i dont feel like mixing and matching clothes. I usually just wear slacks and some hand-me-down looking t shirts that have been washed for like a gazillion times...and off I go to the nearby kovan where I would do some grocery shopping or any other shopping in a heartland shopping centre.
and no one pays me a second look....and it doesnt bother me coz I don't wish to be recognised anymore. although dammit...why must my supervisor be there again with his wife. anyway, that's another redundant story since i'm unfortunate enough to live in the same housing area as him.
but today, because I haven't quite finished doing my laundry..I actually bothered to iron the skirt and blouse that I would usually wear when I go to work..which is like twice nicer looking than my usual get-up on a weekend. My shirts, which I normally wear on a weekend, haven't dry up yet coz of the rain yesterday so oh well...nice blouse, nice blouselah..
and like I said, no one ever pays any attention to me like..err...you know...give a second look or what like damn! who's that lady?! yet today..coz of my nicer than usual get-up...i actually got some guys' notice. And the first one HAD to be a teenager..some malay teenager who would usually have a girlfriend who wears the oh so tight fitting jeans that shows the shape of their booty. I tot I looked ordinary still...with me in my denim long skirt and purple blouse that has a nice round looking neckline that shows off my shoulders. Oh yeah...do you know that I am back to the waist size that I was back in sec 2?! Yeouch!!!....And I got back the shoulders which I used to admire when I was 16 (although it's still huge lah even back then..). I used to have extra weight around my shoulders which made me look very big all this time coz of the recent weight gain after I left school.
okaylah..I wanted to say that yeah..that blouse made me look nice..heh...too much self appraisal here..haha..so where was i? oh..okaylah, I didn't look any 'extra' jz very ordinary...but somehow even that got some people's attention. Okay..anyway, who cares about that teenager...he just got roving eyes on any girls with booty. But my concern is that err..malay mcdonalds manager which I have seen so many times lah. Yeah, he saw me through my 'ugly' days...he never looked at me. I mean..er..no lah not that I was trying to get his attention or what..although he's quite good looking lah. And pretty admirable also in the way he handle his staff and even some rude customers..who obviously had no appreciation towards the service provided by the mcdonalds staff. But no...in my own words, I have never admired him lah.
K whatever..so today, dunno what made me look appealing or what...but he took glances at me like first look and he saw me queueing up. I saw him but I looked away lah coz i was there to buy food not catch anyone's attention..although the chinese guy sitting down playing his laptop was worth taking a long hard good look at. haha..me and my admiration towards chinese guys....
Okay, so he continued to look again subsequently, even though I didn't look directly at him anymore but was like a bit the bored coz I had to queue behind several people already. Second time around, he took a longer look and maybe he thought that I didn't notice or what...but I did. Well...ahem I have several years of training of looking at someone without actually looking..I think all girls have that skills..bwahahaha!!....
Anyway, if you think that I was actually 'shy' about it or somewhat am appreciative about it...guess what..I.AM.NOT.
I know that sounds morbid....but really, I don't like it. It's not that I think that he's some sleaze bag or something but for me, if all this time, I have been very 'fat' looking or very 'ordinary looking'....and then suddenly, when I wear something nice or look nicer, and then suddenly I am much noticeable than before...I definitely think that I am worth much more than that. MUCH more than that.
Ok, I know I always look weird carrying big bags of groceries, often struggling with it...and I often get stares with it. And I always look very the 'ordinary'... not my age or what...I look more like a typical 'auntie' who just came back from the market..sometimes looking sweaty because you know how the weather can be sometimes. And you know yeah...I said that I didn't think much of the mcdonald's manager but he is good looking for a malay and I also admire his leadership capabilities much more than the rest of the managers who have been around also when during their shift. And I admit that I did threw him some 'looks' although I didn't look flirtatious or what but I guess it was enough for him to notice..even though I swear it was all done unconsciously lah.
But he never once noticed it or I tot that maybe..he did notice but I guessed he knew where he stood. Me a customer. He...a mcdonalds manager who serves the customer. It was like trying to maintain a professional relationship.
Then, okay...so i didnt think much about him looking long and hard at me from the distance like he noticed the changes in my looks and in my appearance since it has been a long time since I last saw him. But I tell ya..if he walks up to me and tries to talk to me or what..i wouldn't have snubbed him...but I wouldn't like it either.
I would prefer a guy who likes me for who I am...I dont want them to like me coz in their opinion, I am worth talking to than I was before. I would appreciate their compliments but I wouldn't appreciate anything more than that. Im damn serious about that.
I know I said that I don't want to dwell on the past. I would admire instead those guys who see past my physical flaws. Like *sniff*...tat one particular guy.....I guess my friend is right. Why did I make such a big deal about him better off with some other girls who are much better than me in terms of looks and who would just click like a fish to water..to any cute guys and he IS a cute guy with cares about his looks and who has a stable job. I have him on my mind right now, because so far, he is the onlie one who based his admiration on me..not on looks and hey guy...even if I don't see you no more....I will always remember you..
Well girl..chin up. I am still not interested in pursuing my love life. I am more interested in how much more weight I wanna lose so I could drop more dress size and more waist size..haha...not coz I want to look attractive towards guys. I just wanna wear nicer clothes and look nice in it.
So, yeah..those guys who have snubbed me before......two can play that game.
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